How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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