Welp...herpes.
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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