I'm going to jail i love you
If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
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