I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
