I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
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