Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
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