I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
