I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
