I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Randomize
