i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
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