she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
