if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
Randomize
