somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
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