We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
Randomize
