Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
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