His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
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