Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
