Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
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