I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
