im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
People with herpes should wear stickers.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
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