the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Randomize
