I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Randomize
