Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Randomize
