Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
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