Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
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