Your favorite bartender is back from prision
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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