Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Randomize
