JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize