The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Randomize