Pregnant stripper...not hot.
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
