No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
Randomize
