when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
Randomize
