new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize