he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
Randomize
