saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Randomize