I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
did you just send me my own nude
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
Randomize
