I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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