You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
