Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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