Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Randomize
