we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
