Do you still have your period?
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
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