TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
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