We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
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