so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
Randomize
