People with herpes should wear stickers.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Randomize
