Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Randomize
