I'll bet she douches with gravy.
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Randomize
