Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Randomize
