You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
