it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
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