Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
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