my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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