Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
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