I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
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