I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
The beers last night were like the tears from god
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
