yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
