i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Randomize
