He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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