dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
