Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
Randomize
