Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
my phone needs a breathalizer
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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