Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Randomize
