She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
