I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
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