He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
Randomize
