oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
