I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
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