I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
