Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
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