whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
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