i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
So much Jack, so little girl.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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