Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
